The Greatest Video Game Ever Made

Hello everyone, Paul here! I know it’s been over half a year since my last post, but I finally have something I want to write about. First of all, I don’t really have a good excuse as to why I haven’t been updating this blog more than I should have been other than school has been keeping me busy. But despite that, it is now summer vacation and I am ready to jump into my senior year of college in a few months!

Well, now that I do have some time, I think I will play some video games, a fun and original pastime that only I do. I decided to revisit an old favorite of mine, an unassuming game for the Nintendo DS. Before I tell you what this game is, I will tell you exactly why I wanted to play it.

You see, I like to go on walks. And on these walks, I like to listen to music. I have created my own playlist filled with tunes mostly from the 70’s and 80’s with the occasional 60’s song thrown in there. You can even find this playlist on Spotify as “Paul’s Freshly-Picked Playlist” (I update this playlist way more often than I do this blog). Well anyway, I also have the oddball song in there that does not belong to my Cold War-era tracklist. On one particularly fierce walk during a rainy day (in which I made my personal best time 32:53), I heard the song “Soak Up The Sun” by Sheryl Crow play. Yes, I cannot deny that this 2002 hit has graced its way into my heart and playlist. Whenever I hear this song, I cannot help but be hit by waves of nostalgia and happiness (despite the fact I was only a little over 1-year-old at the time of the song’s release). Anyway, for some bizarre reason, the neurons in my brain have decided that this song is similar to another song that I remember hearing in my early-2000’s youth.

This other song, of course, is “Man! I Feel Like a Woman!” by Shania Twain. Now you may be thinking, “Man! Paul’s brain is stupid. Doesn’t he know that this song was recorded in 1997 and released in 1999?” Now, you have every right to think that, since I was convinced that this song was from 2003 (that is, until I did a simple Google search). From this song, I did a YouTube search for a song that I know is actually from the 2000’s, “Walkie Talkie Man” by Steriogram.

Now this song is unique since I never heard it on the radio, despite it being a hit in 2004. No, I first heard this ditty from a little thing called Elite Beat Agents on the Nintendo DS. That’s right! Now we can finally get to the thing that this whole post was made for! I think that Elite Beat Agents is the greatest video game ever made. Oh yeah! Some brief information about the game before I begin. Elite Beat Agents is a game developed by iNiS and published by Nintendo. It was originally released in North America on November 6th, 2006 for the Nintendo DS.

Amazon.com: Elite Beat Agents NDS: Artist Not Provided: Video Games — North American Cover Art (The game is actually rated E10+ if you’re curious).

Now, “greatest video game ever made” is a bold claim. So maybe to make this bold claim a bit more understandable, I will define what it takes to be *ahem* THE GREATEST VIDEO GAME EVER MADE!!

When people think of the best or greatest video games, they tend to think about The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time or Minecraft or whatever kids play these days. Now the main thing that sets Elite Beat Agents from the crowd is the fact that there is nothing quite like it (with one exception, Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan, which is the Japanese precursor to the Agents). When it comes to stuff like Zelda or Minecraft, there are substitutes and imitators. What I am trying to say is that there are games similar to Zelda, Minecraft, etc. and you can have similar experiences with whatever similar game. For example, I really like a game called Dragon Quest Builders 2. This game is extremely similar to Minecraft in terms of gameplay and overall aesthetic. In contrast, Elite Beat Agents is a game that has such a unique concept and gameplay style that nothing can replace it (again, with the exception of Osu!).

Before I actually get into talking about the game, I will talk about how I came across this game. When I was a young boy (around 9 or 10-years-old), I was an avid reader of the video game publication Nintendo Power (Rest In Peace). In these issues, there was a segment called “Nintendo Gaming Super Stars” and one of these character spotlights happened to be about the agents. I seem to recall that Nintendo Power was quite fond of this game and even put it in their top games list (don’t quote me on that). Anyway, let me describe one of the best days of my life to you. I remember it quite vividly.

It was either in 2011 or 2012 on a Thursday evening. For some reason, my parents and I were at a Menards home store. Don’t ask me why, because I don’t remember. Anyway, hidden by the checkout area of the store was a bin of Nintendo DS games. In this bin was a handful of copies of Elite Beat Agents. Recognizing it immediately from my magazines, I pleaded for my parents to buy it for me. Luckily, they obliged. After that trip to Menards, we went to Red Lobster for dinner (again, I don’t know why. But that doesn’t matter because I love seafood). After we got home, I stayed up a little later than usual to play my new game (my old bedtime was 9:30. It would be a miracle for me to be asleep by then nowadays). Now, why did I stay up late on a school night? Well, that’s because the next day was a field trip to the aquarium (Paul Fact #53: I like aquariums)! However, I don’t really remember much about this field trip, I guess my mind was too full of the rhythmic bliss the agents provided.

Now that we know that this is a unique game, let’s go over what makes it a game. By definition, Elite Beat Agents is a rhythm game. Of course, the rough definition of a rhythm game is “a game in which a player performs actions in time with music” (Paul College Dictionary 3rd Edition). And boy, oh boy, do you perform actions in time with music in this game!

There are three basic inputs or actions that the game will ask you to carry out. Oh yeah! You control this game by using the DS’s touch screen and stylus pen (another reason why this game is so unique!).

Tapping (Hit Markers). A ring will appear around circles (these circles are called “hit markers”) that pop up. As the player, it is your job to tap the circle as the ring meets the edge of the solid numbered circle (hit marker). You will receive more points based on what timing you tap the circle. Aim for having the outer ring be as close to the circle as possible! Also chain your tapping with the upcoming circles to create combos and raise your score. These chains can be as short as two taps to as large as 14 (I think). The majority of inputs in this game is tapping. Sometimes you will have to tap twice in quick succession. For these, you will see two rings around the hit marker.
Dragging (Phrase Markers). Sometimes you will see a circle that has a line protruding out from it. When this happens, hold down your stylus pen (your cursor will turn into a rolling beach ball) and release when the line stops. Along these lines are small orbs that you collect. Be sure to get them all since missing even one will screw up your hard-earned combo! Oh yeah! The inputs aren’t always straight lines either. You will be dealing with curves and stuff before you know it, so watch out! Also be aware of reverse arrows, when you come across one of these, you will have to drag your stylus back to where it was. This can get tricky when there are multiple reverse arrows on a single line.
Spinning (Spin Markers). When the song has reached its climax, you will see a very large circle along with the command “SPIN!” Now, you’d be a fool to not heed this game’s advice, so you’d better spin! The quicker you spin the better. Plus, if you fill up the spin threshold before time runs out, you’ll get yourself some nifty bonus points! But be warned, the amount of spins the game asks you to do in the later levels can be absolutely insane. Don’t go too crazy and risk damaging your DS’s touch screen.

Now that you know how to play the game, you still need to know how to succeed in playing the game. Every stage of this game involves filling and maintaining a meter at the top of the touch screen. You will be able to see this meter at all times during gameplay to see how you’re doing. Fun fact, this meter is called the Elite-o-Meter according to the game’s manual. At the beginning each of this game’s 19 stages, you will start with a full meter. Over time, this meter will eventually drain. As the player, it is your job to perform inputs in rhythm with the stage’s song to keep your meter from dropping too far. The meter will also deplete if you screw up your inputs by not sticking to the rhythm. If the meter depletes fully, it’s game over, man.

Question remains: How can you keep your meter up? Good question! I only partly answered this before, but it is time for the *ahem* EXTENDED ANSWER. Each of your inputs is judged based on its timing. The closer you are to the correct timing, the more points you get. Points are awarded in denominations of 50, 100 and 300. Naturally, you want to aim for getting 300 point hits as often as possible. Oh! But there’s also the combo system. As I mentioned before in the “Tapping” segment above, inputs are chained together in… chains! So, when you keep up your expert timing with each individual hit marker, you will get a chain bonus at the end of each chain. For example, if you get 300 point hits for each marker in the chain, you will get an “Elite Beat!!” bonus of 300 points. These “Elite Beat!!” bonuses will also fill your meter greatly. It is in your best interest to try and get as many “Elite Beat!!” bonuses as you can. If your chain was mostly 300 point hits with some 100 point hits in there, you will get a “Beat!” bonus, which is also 300 points. Unfortunately, a “Beat!” bonus will not fill your meter as much as an “Elite Beat!!” bonus. If your chain was mostly 100 point hits, you will still get a “Beat!” bonus, but, alas, this bonus is only worth 100 points. If you get even one 50 point hit in your chain, you can say “goodbye!” to your chances of getting a bonus.

Mechanics of a game are important and all, but what really makes for a unique experience is the story. So let’s do a brief plot summary.

On this Earth, there is a shadowy group known as the Elite Beat Agents. But there is no need to be afraid, the agents are benevolent. In fact, their goal is to solve your problems through the power of song and dance! The agents are dispatched by their leader, Commander Kahn, to arrive on the scene and pump you up through whatever troubles you. The game is divided into 16 chapters with 3 bonus chapters that can be unlocked. I will go more into these chapters later.

This is where you, the player, come in. You take control of one of the four agents (separated by difficulty). You’ve got agent BA-5: Spin, who breezes through the missions at a pace suitable for beginners. Agent BA-2: J, is the agent for the more experienced player. After beating J’s stages, you unlock “Sweatin'” difficulty with agent BA-1: Chieftain. When you play through these difficulties (Breezin’, Cruisin’ and Sweatin’), you are accompanied by fellow agents BA-4: Morris and BA-3: Derek.

Sweatin’ is no joke, but if you can get passed that, you are given the honor to play as the girls division of the EBA, the Elite Beat Divas: Starr, Foxx and Missy in “Hard ROCK!!” difficulty. “Hard ROCK!!” is the toughest challenge there is. It has the same inputs as “Sweatin'” difficulty (which is hard enough, mind you) but now the placements of the hit markers are mirrored. And if that isn’t enough, the hit markers themselves are smaller and appear quicker, giving you less time to react. Truth be told, I have not gotten passed this difficulty, and I do not think I ever will. But rumor has it that if you beat this difficulty, you get to play as Commander Kahn himself!

Picture Click: Elite Beat Agents Quiz - By Rotom_493 — From Left to Right:
BA-4: Morris, BA-5: Spin, BA-3: Derek, BA-2: J, BA-1: Chieftain, BD-3: Missy, BD-1: Starr, BD-2: Foxx

A rhythm game lives and dies based on the songs it has. Some rhythm games use all original compositions (Rhythm Heaven, Space Channel 5, etc.), while others use licensed songs. Elite Beat Agents is part of the latter group (along with other games like Dance Dance Revolution or Guitar Hero). However, there is a twist to this licensed music business: every song is a cover! Now, why is this the case? Well, for one, some songs in the game have faster tempos than the originals to better fit the fast-paced gameplay. The other reason is an interesting one. If you ever go on YouTube and look up the soundtrack, you will find that all of the songs are 3 minutes long. You don’t need me to tell you that most songs are not that short.

Overall, I really enjoy the soundtrack that Elite Beat Agents offers. In fact, it was through this game that I discovered some of my now-favorite songs. The soundtrack also serves as a perfect zeitgeist for the early-to-mid-2000’s, an era that I somehow have nostalgia for despite being only 6 when this game originally came out. Heck, I might just rank all of the stages at the end of this!

Remember when I said I’ll talk about the games chapters later? Well, you’re in luck, because later is now!

Now, the basic structure of an EBA stage is pretty simple. A character needs help… the agents show up and dance… the problem is solved! But the way the game presents these episodes is really special. Before the stage starts, you are shown a scene in the style of a comic book. It shows the characters (including cute little biographies) as well as the problem he or she is facing. After the character cries out “HEEEAAALP!” and Commander Kahn confidently declares “Agents are GO!!!”, the stage begins.

To keep things fresh and concise, I will summarize each chapter using only one sentence! Oh yeah, I’ll also put the accompanying song in parentheses for ya! Also, every chapter is listed here. So, sorry if I’m spoiling a game that came out in 2006 for you.

Episode 1: Trio of Mayhem! Love and Boyfriends!! (Walkie Talkie Man by Steriogram): A babysitter tries to convince a football player to go out with her, but the kids keep getting in the way.

Episode 2: Red Carpet Premiere! Smash Hit or Box Office Crash!! (Makes No Difference by Sum 41): A movie director is given his last chance to create a smash hit movie or risk losing his job.

Episode 3: Hey, Taxi! To the Hospital, and Hurry!! (Sk8er Boi by Avril Lavigne): A hyper taxi driver takes a woman in labor to the hospital while also avoiding the police.

Episode 4: Art and Beauty! Love and Happiness!? (I Was Born to Love You by Freddie Mercury): In 15th century Florence, Leonardo da Vinci tries to win the affections of Mona Lisa in order to paint her likeness.

Episode 5: Magic Meets Madness! The Show Must Go On! (Rock This Town by The Stray Cats): A magician and his assistant rescue a casino from playing card-themed bandits.

Episode 6: A Pug’s Life! 400 Miles from Home!! (Highway Star by Deep Purple): A pug accidentally finds himself 400 miles away from his home and has to get back.

Episode 7: Ahoy, Mates! Sunken Delights and Adventure!! (Y.M.C.A. by The Village People): After being abandoned by his crew, a treasure hunter and his parrot companion explore the sea in search for treasure.

Episode 8: Cry Wolf! Meteorology and Parenting!! (September by Earth, Wind and Fire): A meteorologist manipulates the rainy weather to become sunny in order to keep a promise to her son.

Episode 9: Family Honor! Introducing the Secret-Weapon Ninja!! (Canned Heat by Jamiroquai): The son of a vehicle manufacturer recovers the plans for a new vehicle from a rival company by using his ninja skills.

Episode 10: Survive! Celebrity Lives and Deserted Isles!! (Material Girl by Madonna): A pair of celebrity twins end up on a deserted island and survive by using their charms on the local wild animals.

Episode 11: NURSE!! Gold Medal Hero or Zero!! (La La by Ashlee Simpson): An anthropomorphized white blood cell fights off a bunch of anthropomorphized viruses to cure a runner before his big race tomorrow.

Episode 12: A Christmas Gift (You’re the Inspiration by Chicago): After her father dies, a little girl and her mother wish for him to return for Christmas.

Episode 13: Rags to Riches! Go East Wildcatter! (Let’s Dance by David Bowie): An oil baron’s fields and wealth have all dried up, leading him on a journey to find a new place to strike black gold.

Episode 14: Batter Up! Home Run Hero Makes a Comeback!! (The Anthem by Good Charlotte): A disgraced baseball player rescues kids from a fire-breathing rock monster.

Episode 15: No More Music!? The Last Hope!! (Part 1) (Without a Fight by Hoobastank): Music-hating space aliens known as the Rhombulans have taken over Earth and are turning people to stone.

Episode 16: No More Music!? The Last Hope!! (Part 2) (Jumpin’ Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones): In the agents’ final stand, they (along with all they people they helped) defeat the Rhombulans with the power of song and dance.

Bonus Episode 1: Aspire! Dancing to the Limelight!! (Believe by Cher): A country girl aspires to become a dancer on the big stage.

Bonus Episode 2: Here, Kitty, Kitty! Baby Hijinks!! (ABC by The Jackson 5): A cat rescues a baby after said baby wanders onto a construction site.

Bonus Episode 3: The Last Laugh! Just a Peanut Matter!! (Survivor by Destiny’s Child): A grumpy guy obsessed with peanuts saves the world from a zombie apocalypse.

WOW! That’s a lot of hot content for you to get your grubby paws on! In a bit, I will be talking about my personal favorite chapters, but before that, I would like to talk about another unique aspect of this game: interactivity with the story. I wish I had a snappier name for this aspect, but I just can’t be bothered to think of one at 12:56AM as I am writing this for some unknown reason. Anyway, what I mean is that the outcome of each story will vary based on how good you are doing in the game. Remember the Elite-o-Meter? I sure hope you do, because it is one of the most important things in the game! Anyway, the meter is divided into two halves. The left side is the “No” side. You do not want to be on this side. The right side is the “Yes” side. Ideally, this is where you want to be at all times. This stuff is über-important, so don’t be forgetting it!

Each stage is divided into segments. There are usually three per stage, but you’ll occasionally run into stages with four. So, why are these segments important? Well, you will be judged on your performance at the end of each of these segments. If you have been preforming well and your Elite-o-Meter is in the “Yes” zone, you will be awarded with a positive outcome for that segment in the stage. Inversely, if you have no rhythm or the timing is really tripping you up and the Elite-o-Meter is in the “No” zone, you will be penalized with a negative outcome for that segment. Your screen will also display a big “O” for passing a segment or a big “X” for failing a segment.

To illustrate this, I will use the first example the game shows you. That is, the first scene from the first episode: Trio of Mayhem! Love and Boyfriends!! In the first part of the stage, the babysitter protagonist has to change a baby’s diaper. From this, there are two outcomes. The good outcome is that the football-playing-man-of-your-dreams successfully gets the baby to the toilet. On the other hand, if you get the bad outcome, the baby pees on the face of the football-playing-man-of-your-dreams. Things only get crazier from there! Of course, I don’t know all of these bad outcomes firsthand because I am just too much of a RHYTHM MASTER to get such a lousy score. But I will say that these bad outcomes can be a lot of fun to watch.

But the variation doesn’t end there! Each stage also has multiple endings! As far as I know, there are four different endings for each stage. The good ending has you getting all “O’s” for each segment. Then there are neutral endings which you get by having an “X” on a segment. Beyond that is the bad ending which you can watch by getting all “X’s” for each segment. (Note: It is actually pretty hard to do all “X’s” since you are so close to depleting the meter and getting a game over. I will post a link to a “low score” run of this game at the end of this post). Finally, if your Elite-o-Meter depletes in the middle of the stage, you get the “mission failed” ending and you have to retry the stage.

At the end of each stage, you are given a letter grade from D (the lowest) to S (the highest). Also at the end of a stage, you are given the opportunity to save replay data of your performance on any stage. This replay data can be used just to watch, or you can play against your old data in multiplayer mode (which I do not go into more detail about. Still, it’s a nice mode to have if your friends are also EBA-heads). It is in your best interest to get high scores since they improve your agent rank. This is the way you unlock the bonus episodes! You should have no trouble ranking up and unlocking bonus episodes if you play through all the difficulties.

Because so much of this game is about the character and the characters exist within the episodes, I will talk about my favorite ones in detail. The first one is Episode 12: A Christmas Gift. Now, before the episode even begins, you notice something different about this one. First, when it appears on the map menu, it unlocks alone. This is different from how the other stages in the game unlock in groups. For example, after you beat Episode 2, you have the choice to do Episode 3 or Episode 4 next (or Bonus Episode 1, if it’s unlocked). But after you beat Episodes 9, 10 and 11, a little scene plays with the agents overlooking a suburban neighborhood decked out in Christmas decorations. Something about this little scene makes me feel nostalgic. Maybe it is the fact that the image of a suburban neighborhood during Christmas is one that I am familiar with and an image that I associate with feelings of comfort and other emotions too intense for human language to describe. For some reason only known by God, I am bawling my eyes out as I type this. I did not expect this game to make me feel the way it does. Perhaps this is a sign for me to stop writing this right now.

End of Writing Session 1

Start of Writing Session 2

The second thing that sets this stage apart from the rest of the stages is its title. If you go back to the list that I made above, you will notice that the titles for all but one of the stages follows a similar format: Short Sentence! Longer Sentence!! Of course, the exception here is Episode 12 with its simple and to-the-point title: A Christmas Gift.

To really understand what makes this stage so special, let’s look at the scenario.

Lucy Stevens, a 7-year-old girl, lives with her father, Matthew Stevens, and her mother, Laura Stevens. This winter, Lucy’s father has to go out of town for a business trip. But before he leaves, Lucy asks him to promise to be back by Christmas. The last words we hear from him are: “Yup. I promise!”

Six months pass from then and her father is still nowhere to be seen. However, since Lucy is still just a child, she does not understand that her father has died in an accident. All she can think about is how he made a promise to return home. From here, we see Commander Kahn looking down on the scene on one of the EBA’s large surveillance monitors. Lucy does not cry out “HEEEAAALP!” like the the other characters do. By the same token, Commander Kahn does not yell “Agents are GO!!!” to dispatch the agents. Yet another way that this stage differs from the others. There’s also no “ARE YOU READY? 3! 2! 1! GO!” at the beginning of the stage (which, of course, is at the beginning of every other stage).

This stage is set to the song “You’re the Inspiration” by Chicago. Other than (debatably) “I Was Born to Love You,” this is the only ballad in the game. While performing in this stage, Lucy and her mother are preparing for Mr. Stevens’ return. This stage is divided into four segments (although only three of them are graded with an “O” or an “X”). In the first segment, Lucy and her mother are cleaning up the house and find his diary. If you score an “O,” a picture of Lucy and her mother will fall out of the diary. Inversely, if you get an “X” a picture of Mr. Stevens with comically-sized muscles and a speedo will fall out instead. While the “X” scene is funny, I still cannot bring myself to score so poorly on this stage.

In the second scene, it is Mr. Stevens’ birthday, so Lucy and her mother decide to make a cake for him. If you get an “O,” a light wind will appear through the window, blowing out the candles. For an “X,” a harsher wind appears and blows the whole cake right into Lucy’s face!

For the third scene (and also the last one you are graded on), it is almost Christmas and Lucy has a dream about her father. In the dream, you can see her running towards his silhouette. After she runs far enough, she calls out to him. On an “O,” the silhouette turns around and Lucy wakes up with a smile on her face. If you got an “X,” the silhouette vanishes, leading Lucy to wake up in the middle of the night saying, “Teddy, I am NOT going to cry” as she clutches onto her stuffed bear.

For the final scene, Lucy and her mom decorate the Christmas tree. This part of the stage is interesting because it uses a unique pattern for the “Dragging” command that I mentioned above. During this part, the line takes the form of a star that one might find on top of a Christmas tree. Other than one other example, this is the only time that the drag lines form a shape. Note: Since this is the last part of the stage, you do not get graded for it (this is also the case for every other stage in the game).

As with all stages in the game, there are four possible endings to this stage. In the beginning scene before gameplay, Lucy asks for a new stuffed animal for Christmas. Based on how well you did in the stage, Lucy will receive a different bear. For the bad ending, Lucy gets a bear made out of steel. For the neutral ending, Lucy gets a small bear. For the good ending, Lucy gets a large bear. Despite the fact that the gifts vary in quality, I think that all of these endings are relatively good. Why’s that? Well, that’s because no matter how well or poorly you do, the gift is always delivered by the spirit of Mr. Stevens. He kept his promise no matter what, and I think that’s a beautiful ending. Finally, at the end of the stage, you will see Lucy’s two bears next to each other with the Christmas tree in the background with the message “Merry Christmas” written out in vibrant red cursive.

It is always tough for me to think about this stage; however, I think it is easier for me to actually play the stage. I know this sounds weird, but I think that my motivation to see these fictional characters happy is more powerful than the tears that drop from my eyes onto my DS.

Right, there are four endings to this stage. I suppose I neglected to talk about the “mission failed” ending. Well, if you’ve been reading this long, I suppose you are entitled to read about this too. If your Elite-o-Meter depletes fully and you get a game over, this is what happens. Ten years have passed since Mr. Stevens’ accident. Mrs. Stevens suggests that she and Lucy should move to a new place. Lucy asks, “Mother, where should we go?” The scene cuts to Lucy holding onto her teddy bear as loud winds can be heard howling. Needless to say, you do NOT want to get to this point.

Now that I have gone to such detail about this one episode, you would probably assume that it is my favorite. And yes, you would be right! But I think I still want to rank all of the stages in the game in ascending order, so enjoy!

19. Episode 7: Ahoy, Mates! Sunken Delights and Adventure!! The story of Captain Brooks and his avian companion proving his crew wrong by finding treasure is a charming, but ultimately unoriginal plotline. While I do like the song in this stage, I think that this stage is one of the least memorable ones.

18. Bonus Episode 2: Here, Kitty, Kitty! Baby Hijinks!! Spoiler alert: most of the bonus episodes are not very high up on this list. As you can tell, this is my least favorite of them. For one, the plot for this episode is not the most original. It actually reminds me of the “Buttons and Mindy” segments from Animaniacs. Considering I only think that the Yakko, Wakko and Dot bits of the show are still funny to me, maybe that explains why I don’t particularly care for this episode. Oh yeah, ABC is a good song, but the cover they use in the game is not the best in my opinion.

17. Episode 13: Rags to Riches! Go East Wildcatter! This stage is very similar to Episode 7 in terms of plot. They both involve an old guy trying to get vast sums of wealth. Again, not the most original. However, Let’s Dance is a great song that I first heard through this game. Despite that, I do not know the correlation between the song and the plot. As far as I can tell, it was an arbitrary choice.

16. Episode 11: NURSE!! Gold Medal Hero or Zero!! I really like the Fantastic Voyage-esque story here, and Cap. White (the white blood cell) and Mr. Virus (the virus) have appealing designs. However, the song used here is on the lower-end of songs I like from this game (although it has grown on me a lot since I first played this game).

15. Bonus Episode 3: The Last Laugh! Just a Peanut Matter!! This stage is pretty tough, and rightfully so. It’s the final unlockable stage! The concept of a zombie apocalypse is nothing new, but the EBA twist of using peanuts as ammunition is nothing short of inspired! Also the fact that the virus is spread via kisses is pretty funny. I’m not too crazy about the song, even if it is thematically appropriate.

14. Episode 2: Red Carpet Premiere! Smash Hit or Box Office Crash!! This is actually the stage that was shown the most often in promotional footage for the game. Another fun fact, this stage was supposed to have “Livin’ La Vida Loca” by Ricky Martin as its song. The replacement song isn’t bad, but I don’t think it’s thematically appropriate to the situation of directing a movie. That being said, I know nothing about directing movies or Sum 41, so I could be dead wrong.

13. Bonus Episode 1: Aspire! Dancing to the Limelight!! The plot is simple and cliche, but I surprisingly have no problem with it. I guess it’s because the plot of an aspiring musician makes so much sense as a scenario in a rhythm game. This stage gets bonus points for doing the impossible: making me like a Cher song. (Oh yeah, the character you help in this stage is really cute, but you didn’t hear that from me)

12. Episode 14: Batter Up! Home Run Hero Makes a Comeback!! This episode is probably the biggest surprise to me. For one, the disgraced baseball player going back into the big leagues isn’t necessarily original; however, the way he does it is something that only the team behind EBA could think of. Who else would come up with the idea that a fire-breathing rock monster would suddenly attack an amusement park and that a baseball player would stop him by pitching, stealing bases and batting? This really is something you can only get from EBA. However, the song they chose is odd. The chorus keeps going “I don’t wanna be like you” when the stage is about the formerly-idolized baseball player trying to rescue and impress a group of kids.

11. Episode 4: Art and Beauty! Love and Happiness!? The fact that this stage takes place in a different time period is simply genius! The lengths that ol’ Leo goes through to get Mona Lisa to smile is simply a joy to watch. The song chosen also fits perfectly. Oh yeah, some of the funniest “X” scenes are in this stage (Leo’s hair is fake!)!

10. Episode 15: No More Music!? The Last Hope!! (Part 1) The fact that an alien threat suddenly appears out of nowhere is something that I never would have expected. I guess I should’ve known better considering the agents’ obvious Men in Black influence. Well, too bad! I didn’t see that movie! HAHA! Anyway, this stage had me stumped for a while before I beat it. Even on the easiest difficulty, this stage’s toughness factor comes right at ya! I will say, the music choice for this stage is flawless. Now, I have no idea what a “Hoobastank” is, but they really cooked up a good tune with this one!

9. Episode 3: Hey, Taxi! To the Hospital, and Hurry!! I always liked the design of the taxi driver in this stage. His personality is also quite entertaining. In fact, this whole stage is simply entertaining! I know that doesn’t sound like high praise, but it is. Sometimes simplicity is best. Oh yeah! Avril Lavigne songs trigger the Nostalgia Cortex in my brain. I have a soft spot for both this song and “Boyfriend” which I heard on the radio constantly back in the day.

8. Episode 10: Survive! Celebrity Lives and Deserted Isles!! The main reason this episode is up so high is because Material Girl is my JAM!! I’ve always liked this song and I think I always will. I’m not afraid to admit it. Hell, I’d even sing it for karaoke if somebody asked me to! Man, I love this song! Oh, the stage is pretty good too. Yeah, I’m biased. So what? It’s my list.

7. Episode 6: A Pug’s Life! 400 Miles from Home!! I can’t be certain, but I think this one little stage may explain why I love pugs so much. Either that or I thought that PewDiePie’s pugs were really cute. Either way, I have noticed an upward trend of me loving pugs ever since I played this game and I can’t complain. Oh yeah, this stage was decently difficult when I first played it. Now I’m a man and I can breeze through it like it’s nothing!

6. Episode 5: Magic Meets Madness! The Show Must Go On! This stage had such an influence on me that I actually bought the song on iTunes! But actually, the cover of Rock This Town is closer to the swing version done by Brian Setzer rather than the rock version done by The Stray Cats. Frankly, I think I prefer the Setzer version. Not that the Stray Cats version is bad or anything, it’s just not as jazzy! The stage itself is also a lot of fun and the casino aesthetic strikes a chord with me.

5. Episode 16: No More Music!? The Last Hope!! (Part 2) This is it, the final challenge. This stage is easily the toughest in the game, but it is oh-so satisfying when you pull it off and turn those Rhombulans into space dust! The cover of Jumpin’ Jack Flash is also a real treat. It has a much quicker tempo than the Rolling Stones original which leads to some chaotic tapping, dragging and spinning! I may even prefer it to the original! There could be no better conclusion to the agents’ story than the way they did it here. It’s a gas indeed!

4. Episode 1: Trio of Mayhem! Love and Boyfriends!! Following the perfect closing stage is the perfect opening stage and the reason I went back to revisit this game in the first place! It introduces you to all of the mechanics the game throws at you while also being set to the infectiously catchy Walkie Talkie Man. Fun fact, the cover version in this game was sung by Jason Paige, the same guy who sang the iconic first Pokémon theme song. Everything about this stage is phenomenal.

3. Episode 8: Cry Wolf! Meteorology and Parenting!! To be this high up on the list, you need to have a one-of-a-kind premise and the perfect song accompaniment. September is a song that nobody can be mad while listening to. But everybody knows that! I especially love how the lyrics match up with the actions in the game. The fact that there never was a cloudy day in September lines up perfectly with the meteorologist using everything in her power to prevent a rainy day. What a wonderful stage!

2. Episode 9: Family Honor! Introducing the Secret-Weapon Ninja!! When it comes to the best song in the game, I would be a fool to say it was anything but Canned Heat. If you’ve ever watched Napoleon Dynamite, you know exactly what this song is. I wish I could say more about how good it is, but I can’t say anything that the stage itself cannot say for me.

And you already know number 1. But if you need me to remind you, it’s Episode 12: A Christmas Gift. I wonder if they made it episode 12 because December is the 12th month? Considering all the attention to detail in this game, I wouldn’t doubt it.

When The Music’s Over (Epilogue): Now that you’ve obviously been convinced to play this game, what’s stopping you? What’s that? You need a way to play the game? While there are ways to play this game using emulation, I would not recommend it. This is the type of game that you need to play on original hardware. The feedback you get from pressing your stylus to the screen is not something that can be emulated on a computer. Luckily for you, this game isn’t too hard to get. A loose cartridge will set you back about $10. Of course, I think that is more than a fair price to pay for *ahem* THE GREATEST GAME EVER MADE!!

If you’re absolutely dying for some more agents action, unfortunately the series appears to be over. Despite this, the good folks over at iNiS have said that they still want to return to the agents. It’s not like Nintendo has forgotten either, the agents and divas make cameos as spirits in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. On one hand, I would love to see more. On the other, having a sequel would take away from the inherent uniqueness of being a stand alone game. After much internal debating, I have determined that it would ultimately be better if we got more agents. I think the world could use their irresistible charms and dance moves to spice up our mundane lives.

Thank you so much for reading! Agents are… GO!!!

Paul

The Best of the Nintendo DS - Staff Opinions! - Page 3 of 3 - Nintendo Everything

Gameplay videos (Warning! These are perfect score playthroughs. This game is harder than it looks!)

Episode 1: Trio of Mayhem! Love and Boyfriends!! and Episode 2: Red Carpet Premiere! Smash Hit or Box Office Crash!!

Episode 3: Hey, Taxi! To the Hospital, and Hurry!! and Episode 4: Art and Beauty! Love and Happiness!?

Bonus Episode 1: Aspire! Dancing to the Limelight!! and Episode 5: Magic Meets Madness! The Show Must Go On!

Episode 6: A Pug’s Life! 400 Miles to Home!! and Episode 7: Ahoy, Mates! Sunken Delights and Adventure!!

Episode 8: Cry Wolf! Meteorology and Parenting!! and Episode 9: Family Honor! Introducing the Secret-Weapon Ninja!!

Episode 10: Survive! Celebrity Lives and Deserted Isles!! and Episode 11: NURSE!! Gold Medal Hero or Zero!!

Episode 12: A Christmas Gift (WARNING!! YOU WILL CRY)

Bonus Episode 2: Here, Kitty, Kitty! Baby Hijinks!! and Episode 13: Rags to Riches! Go East Wildcatter!

Episode 14: Batter Up! Home Run Hero Makes a Comeback!! and Bonus Episode 3: The Last Laugh! Just a Peanut Matter!!

Episodes 15 and 16: No More Music!? The Final Hope!! (Parts 1 and 2

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Final Notes: Again, thank you so very much for reading this far. I will use this brief segment to talk about Ouendan and osu!. Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan is the Japanese precursor to Elite Beat Agents. It features near-identical gameplay but has an entirely new selection of songs and scenarios. I have not played them through yet, but I might in the future. But be warned, there is no English translation patch as far as I know. Not that you really need it, GROOVE is universal! There’s also a sequel called Moero! Nekketsu Rhythm Damashii Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan 2 (don’t ask me what it translates to) if you simply cannot get your fill of J-Rock and J-Pop in your rhythm games.

This is where I talk about osu!. osu! (not to be confused with Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan or Ohio State University) is an online rhythm game engine that emulates the gameplay styles of Ouendan, EBA and other rhythm game modes! Users create their own custom beatmaps to set to music and share with other osu! players. I haven’t tried it out, and I don’t know if I will. But either way, this is a suitable option if you just can’t get enough rhythm for one lifetime!

Since you have been such a terrific audience, I will share a couple of bonus videos with you too!

First Video: With this video, you can watch all of the “X” endings. Also notice how hard it is to stay in the danger zone without getting a game over!

Second Video: Here’s a lovely parody from the boys over at Mega64. This always gives me a chuckle. The parody of “Walkie Talkie Man” in the background is also worth a laugh or two.

With this video, you can watch all of the “X” endings. Also notice how hard it is to stay in the danger zone without getting a game over!

Here’s a lovely parody from the boys over at Mega64. This always gives me a chuckle. The parody of “Walkie Talkie Man” in the background is also worth a laugh or two.

Body, Mind and Soul: August 23rd, 2020

Hello everyone, Paul here. This is the beginning of a new segment that I like to call “Body, Mind and Soul”. This segment’s purpose is to document my current feelings after a major life event (or whenever I actually feel like writing). Today (as I am writing this) is August 23rd, one day before my first day of my junior year in college.

First, I should make the three categories clear. “Body” is how I feel physically. “Mind” is how I feel mentally (plus any deep thoughts or ramblings). “Soul” can be used for whatever I feel like. Think of it as a wildcard or whatever.

I would also like to make it known that I am not writing about how I feel on this particular day. This post will actually be covering my whole summer, from mid-March to today, the final day of summer. With all that out of the way, let’s begin.

Body: Overall, I would say that I am pretty satisfied with myself physically. Over my extended summer, I made a lot of improvements to myself. For starters, I decided to grow a mustache and it now sits happily above my lips. The more major thing is that I became more of a conscious eater through a weight loss program. I started at 178 pounds and my lowest weight was at 159. Unfortunately, I do not have a scale, so I can’t really record my weight anymore. Last I checked, I was somewhere at about 161 which is still a huge improvement. I think it is likely that I will gain weight again over this new college semester. Even if I do, I’m not worried because it was really easy for me to get my weight down and I’m sure I could do it again. I also started using acne treatment products. Acne has been an issue in my life for a while, but I never really tried doing anything to fight against it. That is, until now. I must say, I think this new treatment is working. Even so, zits pop up on me sooner than I can get rid of them. Oh well, I guess that’s just how it goes.

Mind: The brain is a marvelously confusing organ. No two brains are alike. Even if two brains had the same education, the brains would still differ in experiences and memories. There’s a reason I call this website my “thought hole”. Other than thinking it’s a funny name, this website acts like a landfill for my many thoughts to be dumped into. Truth is, sometimes that landfill fills up and I have to move on to a different hole. If you haven’t figured out the analogy, this refers to me losing interest in topics that I write about. Why do you think I stopped my Men Without Hats album analysis? It’s not because I suddenly hate it (the album is actually in my top 5 albums of all time). It’s because I got burnt out on it and haven’t found the motivation to return to writing it. Anyway, the main thing I’ve been thinking about lately is mortality. A little before me having to leave for college, a dear friend of mine passed away. And in reflecting on her passing, I came to a conclusion. My conclusion is that those who die and not gone forever, in fact maybe we should be happy for those who pass away. If we are to believe in the concept of an afterlife (as taught in most of the world’s religions), then we should believe that there is a better life waiting for us after this one. Through this realization, I have saved myself much grief. Of course I’m still sad, but I take comfort in knowing that my friend lives forever up in heaven.

Soul: As I said before, this space will be used for whatever I want. This time I will be writing about my religious development over the summer. If I do another one of this posts, this part will probably be about something else. Anyway, I really think I got far in my journey to understand religion this summer. If you read the previous part of this post and noticed that I mentioned heaven, then you would be correct in assuming that I follow Christianity. However, I learned about more than just one religion this summer. If you remember my last blog post about Taoism, you would know that there were things about that religion that I didn’t necessarily understand. Full disclosure: I wrote that post for a school project (and I got a perfect score on it). My points on religion in general that I wrote towards the beginning of that post still stand though. As a reminder: religion is a necessary part of life and its necessity becomes more known with age. This is a very roundabout way of saying that I took a class on world religions over the summer and got an A in the class. That’s all I was trying to say. I also participated in a Bible study with some of my friends from middle school as well as a bunch of new friends. Overall, both the class and the Bible study really were great things to happen to me during this summer.

Looking to the future: Things look very uncertain right now in terms of the world as a whole. There’s disease plaguing us, political malarky plaguing us, etc. Despite all the turmoil in the big picture, I am looking forward to a bright future in my world. I will be starting a major in philosophy in addition to continuing the track of teaching German. Even if my plans to travel to Germany next semester do not work out, I have time to work on other stuff. I’ll be busy for sure, and that’s a good feeling regardless of whatever happens.

Thank you for reading.

-Paul

A Big Ol’ Blog Post About Taoism

Hello everyone, it’s Paul again. I know it’s been quite a while since my last post here, but I’m back (at least for the time being)! First of all, I regret not updating this blog more. I kinda lost a lot of motivation to continue writing and I don’t really know why. I may or may not return to my Men Without Hats album analysis, but that is not today’s topic.

Today’s topic is religion, specifically Taoism. I have chosen Taoism for this post because I find it to be a headache-and-a-half and would like to try understanding it better. I originally wanted to talk about Christianity for this, but I was challenged to try something I’m not familiar with. I’m not the type to back down from a challenge! So, without further ado, let’s talk about Taoism.

BUT WAIT! I want to share some of my thoughts about religion as a whole before we go specifically into Taoism. This is something I’ve had in my head for a while, so I really want to get it written down. It is my firm belief that the need for religion increases with age. As we get older, we start to understand things that we couldn’t possibly understand as children. I remember always asking why my family made me go to church every Sunday, and then I often fell asleep during the sermon. Not my finest moment. Nowadays, as a pensive young man working on a philosophy minor, I see the value of it all. For lack of a better word, children do not necessarily understand the “cruelties” of the world. By definition, children are dependent on their parents; therefore, they do not have to worry about or understand things like the two certainties in life: death and taxes. Of course, I can only speak for myself here, but perhaps it is my slightly pessimistic attitude that draws me closer to the idea of religion. I believe that as humans, we all need something higher than ourselves to strive for. That “something higher,” of course refers to a deity, spirit, godhead, anything! As long as you believe in something higher than yourself, then you are effectively part of a religion. Personally, I find comfort in knowing that there is someone watching over me and everything I do and that that someone loves me very much.

Remember how I kinda implied that there needs to be some sort of celestial figure present in order to have a religion? Yeah, Taoism doesn’t care about that. Rather, it teaches about something called the Tao or “The Path.” I will go into more detail on that later. I suppose this would be a good segue into my thoughts on Taoism. I had never interacted with the founding text, The Tao-te Ching, before a month ago; however, I do know two people who have read the text. These two people were my friends during my freshman year of college: one of whom (who I will refer to as “Josh” for his privacy), acted like a stereotypical late sixties hippie. He smoked marijuana, listened to Pink Floyd, and read the Tao. The other (whom I will call “Michael” also for his privacy) was my roommate and almost polar opposite of myself. In fact, if we compared our Myers-Briggs personality test results, we would be total opposites (I’m an ISTJ and he’s an ENFP)! The point I’m trying to make here is that these two friends of mine are what I would call “free spirits.” Why do I bring this up? Simple, because I believe that Taoism appeals to certain people. I am not one of those people. So let’s find out more about it! Perhaps my feelings will change as I go on.

Let’s start off with a little history lesson, shall we? Taoism was founded in 350 BCE through the writing of the original Tao-te Ching. The original was written on bamboo strips as a reaction to the dominant religion of China, Confucianism, by a group of individuals. This is already different than the holy text I’m used to. In the Bible, each book (with the exceptions of the poetry books, Psalms and Proverbs) was written by one person. The Tao-te Ching is already shorter than most books of the Bible, with only eighty-one chapters to its name. Of course, that is not to say that the Tao is bad compared to the Bible for having multiple authors. I just find it a tad strange.

The main principles of Taoism are that of harmony and following the world’s spontaneity rather than being stuck in a society’s order. As I mentioned previously, Taoism was made as a reaction to Confucianism. Confucianism is well-known for being a law-oriented school of thought. It only makes sense that some would want to break free from a society that they do not agree with.

Here is where I would like to introduce our first chapter of the Tao that I will be analyzing. This chapter tells us about Taoism’s view of government. Chapter 60 goes as follows: “Governing a great state is like cooking a small fish. Let the kingdom be governed according to the Tao, and the manes of the departed will not manifest their spiritual energy. It is not that those manes have not that spiritual energy, but it will not be employed to hurt men. It is not that it could not hurt men, but neither does the ruling sage hurt them. When these two do not injuriously affect each other, their good influences converge in the virtue (of the Tao)” (Tao-te Ching, 60).

The first thing we are told is a simile between great states and small fish. Such an analogy could only exist in Taoism. Personally, I have no experience in either governing states or cooking small fish. However, I have lived under a government for as long as I can remember and I have eaten a fair share of McDonald’s Filet-o-Fish sandwiches in my lifetime, so I think I am only somewhat qualified to analyze this quote. From what I am to understand, cooking small fish is not that easy. Sure, there are fewer bones, but a small fish would be easier to burn. By saying that governing a great state is like cooking a small fish, the Tao is telling us that it is easy to screw up a government. Since it is so easy to ruin a government, it needs good leaders to maintain it. The next verse tells us that the government should be run according to the practices of Taoism. The government officials would then be Taoist sages as opposed to the corrupt controlling officials of Confucianism. This is because the ruling sages would not use their spiritual energy to harm the state’s citizens. Then when the sages do not harm the citizens, the goodness of the convergence of energies manifests into the Tao’s virtues. That’s what I got out of it, at least. I would also like to note that when the “Tao” itself is mentioned, it refers to the “Path” or teachings presented by Taoism. The spiritual energy is also a principle of Taoism. The sages are believed to possess spiritual energy because the Tao connects human lives to the energy of the cosmos.

Wow! This post is already pretty long, so I think I’m gonna wrap things up after analyzing this other verse. Another important value of Taoism is the virtue of quietness. This is illustrated in Chapter 56 and it goes as follows: “He who knows (the Tao) does not (care to) speak (about it); he who is (ever ready to) speak about it does not know it. He (who knows it) will keep his mouth shut and close the portals (of his nostrils). He will blunt his sharp points and unravel the complications of things; he will attemper his brightness, and bring himself into the agreement with the obscurity (of others). This is called ‘the Mysterious Agreement.’ (Such an one) cannot be treated familiarly or distantly; he is beyond all consideration of profit or injury; of nobility or meanness:–he is the noblest man under heaven” (Tao-te Ching, 56).

Gee, that kinda reminds me of the time I was in the Fight Club. It’s a shame that I forgot the first rule of it. Regardless, this chapter seems to be telling us about the silence of Taoist sages. Since the Tao itself is so otherworldly, it cannot be described using our human languages. This is initially what made me so confused about Taoism. As a language major in college (specifically German), I rely a lot on language. Anyway, if someone claims that they understand the Tao, it surely means that they do not. If someone does find out the nature of the Tao, that person must not speak of it or risk breaking the “Mysterious Agreement.” The final verse of the chapter states that a sage is not to be treated familiarly or distantly, rather that the sage is beyond our reach. He has effectively become one with the cosmos and has gained knowledge. That’s all well and good, but this raises a handful of questions. If sages are not to speak of the Tao, then how do sages talk to each other? Do sages isolate themselves from the rest of the world? If sages isolate themselves, then how can they govern a state as described in Chapter 60? The last verse of the chapter also tells us that sages are the noblest men under the heavens. Does this mean that they are similar to royalty and that we should treat them as such? That can’t possibly be the case because sages cannot be treated familiarly or distantly. Then should we just ignore the sages? I have no idea.

I’m guessing that Lao Tzu and the rest of the Tao-te Ching’s writers did not account for American college students reading their work. In fact, I’m certain that they didn’t (it took over a millennia after the fact for the United States to be founded)! I say this because I believe that as an American, there are societal values that I follow that contradict those of Taoism. For example, I value structure and control as opposed to Taoism’s zen-like openness. Through my reading of the Tao-te Ching, I can safely say that Taoism is not the religion for me. That is not to say that you shouldn’t be allowed to follow it if you wish. I can only speak for myself and you can only think for yourself. Overall, I would say the biggest barrier for me in understanding the Tao is how it is written. As I said, language is very important to me. I simply cannot understand something that is so freeform such as Taoism. When the religion outright tells the readers that they are striving for something that cannot be described, it has lost its meaning on me.

Despite the fact that there is much I do not understand about Taoism, I would still recommend looking into it yourself, dear reader. Perhaps you would find something that I’m missing. Maybe that is part of the appeal of Taoism. I wouldn’t know. Anyway, I would like to end this post with a quote from an article that I found on living a meaningful life. The following quote from the Asian Journal of Social Psychology describes Taoism better than I ever could: “Taoism champions an authentic self where a person is encouraged to follow the way of Nature, aspiring for emancipation from mundane constraints. The Taoist perspective on the kind of self that should be pursued is coined naïve dialecticism, a constellation of lay beliefs that can be summarized by three principles: contradiction, change, and holism. That is, dialecticism promotes a tolerance of contradiction, a tendency to see the world as ever-changing, and a cognitive processing pattern that recognizes interconnections among elements” (Wang et al. 199). If you can tolerate all of life’s contradictions and are able to change along with the world, then Taoism may be right up your alley.

As always, thanks for reading.

Paul

Additional note: I would also like to bring up a character from a franchise that I quite like, Digimon. One of the digital monsters (which is what Digimon is short for) is named Taomon. Each Digimon follows the same naming convention of always having the suffix -mon. In this case, the prefix is Tao, which of course refers to Taoism. Taomon (who is pictured below) borrows a lot of inspiration in its design from Taoism’s religious roots. The yin-yang symbol on its chest symbolizes the contrary yet complementary forces in the universe. It is wearing robes that are often associated with the Japanese religion of Onmyōdō. Onmyōdō (which literally translates to “The Way of Yin and Yang” in Japanese) is based on the Chinese philosophies of Taoism and shares many points on spirits and divination. Nowadays, Onmyōdō is used in fiction as a way of casting magic spells and summoning spirits through divination. Taomon also has the Sanskrit character for “truth” on the cloth covering its legs. You will also notice the pieces of paper coming out of its claw; those are talismans. Talismans are used in Taoism to channel spiritual energy into those to whom the talisman is attached. While this fictional character is not necessarily fully accurate to Taoism (perhaps it would be more accurate to call this monster “Onmyōdōmon”), I still think it is interesting that religions such as Taoism are represented in the media we love.

Works Cited

Lao-tzu. The Tao-te Ching. Translated by James Legge, [1891].

Shu-Yi Wang, et al. “What Makes a Meaningful Life? Examining the Effects of Interpersonal Harmony, Dialectical Coping, and Nonattachment.” Asian Journal of Social Psychology, vol. 21, no. 3, Sept. 2018, pp. 198–204. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1111/ajsp.12212.

“Taomon.” DigimonWiki, digimon.fandom.com/wiki/Taomon.

Paul’s Thoughts On: Joker (No Spoilers)

Salutations, my friends! It is currently a little after midnight and I just got back from watching the new Joaquin Phoenix film, Joker. I am going to start this brief impressions post with a simple request, “Watch this movie!”. I simply cannot express how much I enjoyed this movie and I might even be daring enough to call Joker one of the most culturally significant/relevant films of this generation. I must admit that I have not been in a cinema in a few years, and Joker was one of the few movies that I wanted to see since its announcement. I am very glad that I was able to experience the film in theaters, the movie was strengthened by its obvious impact on me and my fellow viewers. I heard people laugh, I saw them jump back when something shocked them. Needless to say, I highly advise seeing Joker in theaters while you can.

Joker is a beautifully macabre character study into one Arthur Fleck. He suffers from a multitude of mental illnesses and has dreams to become a comedian. He finds himself in a cruel, uncaring world that labels him as a freak. Rather than telling jokes, he is the joke. After taking enough abuse, Fleck becomes the icon of an anti-elite campaign. Laughs ensue.

The thing that Joker does so well when compared to other films featuring the clown prince of crime is how in-depth and well-written his character is. Rather than seeing the Joker as a slick gangster, a conniving trickster, or the embodiment of chaos, Fleck is just a man. The portrayal of his mental illness may or may not be completely accurate, but it is believable. At some point, something has to snap.

A way I would describe this film is if V For Vendetta was good. I personally dislike V for Vendetta, but now’s not the time for that. Arthur Fleck is not too dissimilar to V, the protagonist of V for Vendetta. They both are known to wear masks (or make-up), they both hate the elite, and both are icons for anti-elite movements. The thing that makes Fleck a much better character is how much of a round, dynamic character he is. V is a flat, static character, he hardly goes through any arcs. He starts as an emotionless masked marauder and ends the same way (it is very possible that this was intentional since V is stated to be an embodiment of an idea rather than an actual person, this does not change the fact that I dislike V for Vendetta). Fleck, however, is shown to have aspirations, idols, and he is surprisingly aware of who he is and what he is doing. The Fleck we see in the first scene is not the same Fleck we see in the final scene.

I don’t much else to say, so see it for yourself and draw your own conclusions.

Overall Rating: 4.5/5 Stars.

I figured it would also be fun to rank my favorite interpretations of the Joker, so here you go.

Mark Hamill (Batman: The Animated Series)
Joaquin Phoenix (Joker)
Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)
Jack Nicholson (Batman 1989 Film)
Troy Baker (Batman: Arkham Video Games)
Caesar Romero (Batman 1966 TV Series)
Zach Galifianakis (The LEGO Batman Movie)
Jeff Bennett (Batman: The Brave and the Bold)
[REDACTED] (Suicide Squad)

Rest In Peace, Ric Ocasek

First of all, I want to apologize for not updating this blog more. It’s been a tough few weeks getting back into the swing of college. However, I feel the need to write about someone who really meant a lot to me, Ric Ocasek, the frontman for my favorite band, The Cars.

I first heard The Cars when I was about 5 or 6 years old. I distinctly remember singing bits of the songs “My Best Friend’s Girl” and “Bye Bye Love”. For the next decade, I had kind of forgotten about the album, but it was around my junior year of high school that I was reminded of these stellar tunes. In fact, I would say that their albums got me out of a rough bit of my life. I may be exaggerating, but I don’t think I would have as much of a love for music if it weren’t for The Cars.

Needless to say, I was devastated when I found out that Ric had passed away. Of course, I knew it had to happen at some point, but I still wasn’t ready. I have been an avid fan of their work for the last few years of my life and I really did feel a pit in my stomach when I heard the news. But rather than be depressed over this sudden development, I will celebrate his legacy and music. It has also warmed my heart to see all my fellow Cars fans celebrating him.

I cannot recommend their music enough, so please give them a listen if you haven’t already. All of their albums are fantastic. Be sure to check out “The Cars” (eponymous debut), “Candy-O”, and “Heartbeat City”.

“Let them meet you up in the air, let them brush your rock n roll hair” – Ric Ocasek

Pop Goes the World Track 5: “O Sole Mio”

Following the slightly eerie “Bright Side of the Sun”, we are blasted by a cheery tune with quick drums and strings. This is the first in a series of songs that take place from Johnny’s perspective (which I like to call “act two”). Act two focuses on the rise and fall of Johnny with “O Sole Mio” introducing the concept. Well, let’s get into the lyrical analysis.

“So high give me your love, imagination. Run wild and tell me your mind, I can never remember your name”. This line has stumped me for a while and I’m still not sure if it has any hidden significance. What I got from the lyric is that Johnny is now where he has always dreamed of (which is why he refers to it as his imagination).

“So high give me your heart, hey guardian angels. More light I’m falling in love and I want to remember the way”. This is the first instance in the album when we are introduced to a new motif, guardian angels. This will definitely come up again so keep your eyes and ears open. The other half of the lyric is referring to spotlights that one would find at a performance. Yes, Johnny was in a band but this line is in reference to a previous lyric in the title track, “Jenny and Johnny getting smart, it seemed. Make more money on a movie screen”. At this moment in the album, Johnny is “falling in love” with his fame in the movie business. The fact that he “want[s] to remember the way” reveals that he still has his values and especially that he still loves Jenny.

“Mother mother, can’t you see? Everyone’s in love with me”. This further reinforces how Johnny is enjoying his fame. Nothing much else than that; however, the “mother” he’s talking about may be an angel. I cannot prove that, but I think it’s worth mentioning.

“So far given the light of distant ages. Sometimes I can never be sure, I can only remember today”. While in his ideal world, Johnny is living so fast that he can only fathom the present. This contradicts the previous line of “I want to remember the way” since he is only remembering today. Clearly, the rush of stardom has gotten to Johnny’s head.

“So now given enough, I’ll heat the stages. How far is the mountain above where I wasn’t a potion away?” This lyric tells us a lot, mainly that Johnny is an alcoholic and that he uses that to go through his performances to “heat the stages”. The “potion” is a blatant reference to alcohol. This lyric reminds me of the Pink Floyd song “Comfortably Numb” from The Wall, in which the main character of the album is given drugs in order to continue with his concert.

“Mother mother, can’t you see? Everyone’s in love with me. But only I know. All the people in the square try to act like nothing’s there. O Sole Mio. I was a rainbow. I was a rainbow”. This lyric is giving me two different interpretations. Either his audience is noticing Johnny’s alcoholism or Johnny feels that he’s under-appreciated. The phrase “I was a rainbow” also plays into my two interpretations. The phrase could mean that being a rainbow is how Johnny feels while under the influence. It could also be that Johnny is trying to be noticed, since rainbows are something that no one can look away from.

“So now, give me your love in celebration. Of live and love, of fascination. So now, give me your heart. My guardian angel no. Oh no, oh ho! I was a rainbow”. While in his new life, Johnny found a new lover, but he can’t help but feel that it’s wrong since his guardian angel is watching. His excuse being that he was a rainbow and that he couldn’t help himself.

“Mother mother, can’t you see? Something’s wrong inside of me. Every time I try to say the words, they don’t come out right. Mother mother, if you please. Life has got me on my knees. I’m expecting someone’s love to come and hit my blindside. Mother mother, if you care, tell me I am unaware of what I’m doing to your beauty and your holy love life”. There’s a lot to cover here, but it’s not too complicated. This set of lyrics is written almost like a prayer to his guardian angel but is sung like a madman’s rantings. The juxtaposition between the two really drives the point that Johnny is in a bad place despite it being his dream. He realizes that he’s missing something or rather someone, Jenny.

“And me, I was a rainbow”.

Rating: 9/10 This song sounds great and delves deeper into the narrative in a creative and entertaining way. The trademark lyrical dissonance is here and is put to great use. Next time we will discuss “Lose My Way” and we’ll get even more into Johnny’s story.

Pop Goes the World Track 4: “Bright Side of the Sun”

This track presents itself as an eight-line poem and serves as the transition between act one and act two of the album. Since it is such a short tune, I will simply cover the entire song rather than analyzing it line-by-line.

“Somewhere in the distance

When we fall in love again

Planets will be dancing;

The moon plays violin

We’ll laugh at all the silly things

That we’ve both said and done

Step into forever

On the bright side of the sun”.

This song is Johnny talking to Jenny about how he will be going away in order to pursue his dreams of being a big star. This plot point has been alluded to in our previous songs. This bittersweet poem is the last thing he says to her before he leaves, but he still promises that he and Jenny will be reunited.

Rating: 8/10 The greatest strength and weakness of this song is the length. Lasting only about 40 seconds, it’s the shortest track on the album. It doesn’t say much, but it does leave a strong impact on the listener. This song also plays to the strengths of the lyrical style of Men Without Hats. I say this because I find that their lyrics tend to have much deeper meaning than what someone may perceive at first. Also when first researching this album, I found someone saying that the whole album was full of “cryptic poetry”. I agree with that and “Bright Side of the Sun” is nothing if not cryptic. Next time we’ll jump into act two with the song “O Sole Mio”.

Pop Goes the World Track 3: “On Tuesday”

Hello everybody! Today is Tuesday, July 30th, and today we will be talking about the 3rd song on the album, “On Tuesday”. See? It all lines up! It’s almost as if it was intentional.

The first thing you’ll hear is some wonderful flute work from Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull fame. The whole tune has a type of airy quality in no small part to Anderson’s flute and the accompanying strings.

“On Tuesday, you came in from the storm. On Tuesday, you came and made me warm”. I believe this whole song is in the perspective of Jenny and Johnny reflecting on the birth of their newborn child, Tuesday. This was hinted at in the last song with the lyric “Every little nest needs a bird”.

“On Tuesday, you made me fly, much higher than before. On Tuesday, you made me cry, and made me smile for more. ‘Cause love is something I adore”. This stanza is from the point of view of Jenny. The birth of Tuesday made Jenny very happy giving a feeling of joyful “flight”. Naturally, the bond between mother and child is as strong as steel.

“On Tuesday, you saved my life, I was nothing but a wall. On Tuesday, you made me high, I was flying on the floor. ‘Cause love is something I adore”. This stanza is from Johnny’s perspective and is a lot more cryptic than the last one. If I were to guess, “nothing but a wall” refers to the fact that walls don’t move. Now since Tuesday “saved” Johnny’s life, he is no longer a wall and can pursue his dream. The words “high” and “fly” are used to great effect in both stanzas. In the last one, it was describing an emotional high, but in this one it refers to being high on drugs. This is further evidenced by the strange phrase of “flying on the floor” which could be a sensation that one may feel while under the influence of drugs.

“It was only make believe, then along came Tuesday. Changed everything, on Tuesday”. Based on the previous lyrics, we know that Tuesday did change everything for both good and bad.

“On Tuesday, you wave goodbye, y0u step into the storm. On Tuesday, you save my life, a smile will keep me warm. On Tuesday, you made me cry, like a child being born. On Tuesday, you made me high, I’ll be flying ever more.” I believe these lyrics all are from the perspective of Jenny with the first and third lines expressing her sadness due to Johnny leaving her. But she still finds joy in her child, Tuesday, as seen in the second and fourth lines.

We’ve actually already met Tuesday before this song and she will stay as a minor character throughout. I believe that the baby’s face on the cover is actually Tuesday and the noise we hear before the second track could be the sound of her walking.

A lot happens in this song and the lyrical dissonance can really cloud the story it’s trying to tell. Despite the happiness a child can bring, the relationship between Johnny and Jenny is less than stable. But why would Johnny leave Jenny? Be sure to find out next time!

Rating: 8.5/10. I’ve never been much of a fan of flute music, but this song is still great. The whole album takes on multiple styles of songs and none of the songs sound alike which really adds to the album’s charm. Overall, this song adds a lot to the narrative and has a unique quality that anyone can enjoy.

Pop Goes the World Track 2: “Pop Goes the World”

Before the next track begins, we hear a sound. To me, it sounds like a baby walking barefoot on a wood floor until it stops and hits a button which starts the song. Keep this in mind because it may make more sense as we continue.

I should also say that this next song kind of means a lot to me. I first heard this tune on a long road trip, and it really sounded unlike anything I’ve heard before. I have known about this song for about two years, but I have only recently found myself listening to the full album as well as the other works of Men Without Hats. But enough about that, let’s get into it!

We hear the voice of a young girl introducing the song and crediting it to Men Without Hats. A cheery and bubbly (pun probably intended) tune begins playing.

“Johnny played guitar; Jenny played bass. Name of the band is The Human Race”. These are the two characters we follow through the duration of the album. Moving back to the credits, Johnny is credited for playing the guitar and Jenny for the bass. The fact that their names are in place of the actual musicians seems to imply that their story really could happen to anyone, the fact that their band is called “The Human Race” further emphasizes that.

“Jenny played keyboard; Johnny played drums. Called Little Baby and a big Bonhomme”. Also found in the credits are J. Bonhomme (The “J” stands for Johnny) on drums and “a little baby” on keyboards. Based on this lyric, I can only assume that Little Baby and Big Bonhomme are pseudonyms for Jenny and Johnny. It should also be known that a “Bonhomme” is a snowman found commonly in Quebec winter festivals. Also, the ‘little baby” nickname may relate to the album cover; however, I believe the baby on the cover is a different one. We’ll meet that baby in the next song.

“Johnny and Jenny had a crazy dream, see their pictures in a magazine. Every little boy needs a girl”. Naturally, their goal as musicians is to become popular. They need each other in order to do so. Johnny and Jenny are two parts of a complete whole.

“Jenny and Johnny getting smart, it seemed. Make more money on a movie screen. Every little nest needs a bird”. This is where attentive listens may first pick up on the cynicism of the album and the song. Essentially this lyric is telling us that “The Human Race” has sold out for money. It also tells us that Johnny and Jenny had a child at this point since every nest needs a bird.

The next few stanzas don’t really add anything to the overarching narrative (that may change as I put more thought into this analysis), but hot damn if this tune isn’t catchy!

“Johnny played guitar; Jenny played bass. Ain’t nobody couldn’t take their place. Everybody tell me have you heard. Pop goes the world.”. The final verse features every English teacher’s worst nightmare, a triple negative. The song is telling us that nothing can replace Johnny and Jenny. But will that remain true? Find out next time!

Song rating: 9.5/10. It’s an outstanding song that can be enjoyed either in the context of the album or by itself. The only issue is that there’s some lyrics towards the middle that don’t make much sense (stuff about the Duke of Earl and Al Gunn (a former bassist for M w/o H)). Either way, this song is a quirky bop that I enjoy very much.

Also check out the music video featuring Johnny, Jenny, Little Baby, and J. Bonhomme here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zUUtf7gOe8

Pop Goes the World Track 1: “Intro”

When one thinks of a concept album, what does one think of? A concept album is a cycle of songs revolving around a central idea or theme. Classic examples of concept albums include Tommy by The Who and The Wall by Pink Floyd.

In 1987, the Canadian synth-pop group, Men Without Hats, released their third album, Pop Goes the World, which charted in the top 20 in both the US and Canada. This album follows the story of Johnny and Jenny, two aspiring musicians. This analysis will cover each song on the album and how it plays into the larger narrative.

To begin, I believe this album is criminally underrated and deserves to be remembered fondly in the hall of concept albums. The musical and lyrical composition is truly one-of-a-kind.

One of the first things you’ll notice with this album is the cover. A King Crimson-esque closeup of a baby’s face. This baby will play a minor role in the album, so hold your horses and this will make more sense later. Another peculiar thing is the credits. While the singer is credited to Ivan Doroschuk (the actual singer for the band), the rest of the musicians credited are the fictional characters from the album. This will also make more sense as the album goes on.

Without further ado, the song that introduces us to the album is appropriately titled “Intro”. This song starts out with some ambient noise and continues throughout the piece. Some drum hits start playing as a high-pitched voice asks the listener “Can you hear me out there?” and then states that “This is the big one. This is the one we’ve all been waiting for”. This song, while not complex, does give the listener a good idea of what to expect. It’s almost like how someone would introduce a band before they perform. I’m fairly certain that was the intention since it leads into the title track, “Pop Goes the World” and we are introduced to our main characters (who happen to be members of a band).

“Intro” really reminds me of the first track from Pink Floyd’s The Wall, “In the Flesh?”. While the tone is drastically different between the two tracks and especially between the two albums, these songs both accomplish the same thing in similar ways.

Overall, “Intro” is probably the weakest song on the album, but it doesn’t have to be. But still, it’s the one track in the album that sounds the least like a song. Rating: 7/10 But I assure you, it can only get better from here.